The Problem With You
by eccentric
Summary: Penny and Jake angsty stuff. {Complete} Thanks for reading and reviewing!
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Problem With You  
  
Summary: Penny/Jake angst junk. I don't really know what it follows. Penny loves Jake but he doesn't know, Jake is in one of his confused Dylan phases but he still likes her, and Dylan thinks she might have feelings for Jake. But Jake and Penny haven't kissed or anything. He hasn't yet acknowledged the chemistry between them.  
  
Person of Voice: Penny/Jake  
  
Notes: I wrote it a while ago, and I found it the other day, so I updated it a bit and decided to post it.  
  
Feedback: Love it. Please review! (Or email me at kathleen@michellebranch.ca)  
  
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------Penny-------  
  
I sit and watch him gawk over her. It makes me nauseous.  
  
Oh, what a surprise. She's smiling again. *Gag* Give me a break. Maybe she has injections put in her lips every morning that makes them smile, 'cause let's face it, no one is that happy all the time.  
  
Or are they?  
  
Maybe it's just that I'm never happy. With anything. I wonder why.  
  
Then I see him smiling and flirting with her and remember: that's why.  
  
And I'm nauseous all over again.  
  
-------Jake---------  
  
I laugh and flirt with Dylan. A smile plastered on my face. Am I being obvious?  
  
I glance over at Penny and she looks completely disgusted. I take that as a yes to my question and I frown.  
  
"Well, I should get back to work," says Dylan.  
  
"Yeah, sure, I'll talk to you later," I smile again.  
  
"Okay! Bye!" Dylan walks off.  
  
I grab a mug and pour some coffee. I keep glancing at Penny. She's just flipping through a magazine, not saying a word. Not even an insult. She is really quiet.  
  
It's strange.  
  
"Penn?" I ask, somewhat cautious.  
  
"Yeah?" she replies, without looking up, still flipping through her magazine.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Fantastic," she says, sounding sarcastic.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing," she sighs, putting down her magazine and starting to work.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yes, Jake," she says annoyed, finally looking at me.  
  
"Okay," I say, and I walk into my office.  
  
I know she's lying. There is something wrong. I just can't quite tell what it is.  
  
------Penny-------  
  
I sit at my desk, doodling on my pad of paper.  
  
Why would he think there was something wrong? Nothing was wrong. That's so stupid. What would be wrong? Nothing had happened since the last time we'd talked. I mean, I just went out, sat at my desk, and watched him flirt endlessly with Dylan. The obviousness of his crush on her was a little bit embarrassing, but I wasn't bothered by it.  
  
Why couldn't I just admit it? Why couldn't I just accept the fact that I'm in love with him?  
  
I should just tell him. If I tell him, I'll have to deal with it.  
  
And maybe when I deal with it, I'll get over it.  
  
And maybe when he knows, he'll realize he loves me too.  
  
Okay, that last part won't happen. He doesn't love me. He never will.  
  
So, to keep our friendship as it is, I just need to deal with it some other way. Telling Jake that I'm in love with him will ruin the only kind of relationship I will ever have with him. And I don't want that to happen.  
  
I just have to let it go. I just have to forget about those feelings.  
  
Just then I see him walk from his office and bump into Dylan again. More laughing, more talking, more flirting.  
  
More nausea.  
  
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Let me know what you think. More chapters soon. 


	2. Chapter 2

Notes: This is for Callie! I'm working on it! lol.  
  
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-------Jake--------  
  
I sit in my office, making sketches on promo ideas, and Penny pops into my head.  
  
There is something going on with her, I know it, so why won't she tell me what it is? She just looks so sad today, unhappy.  
  
But she always looks unhappy.  
  
I wonder why that is. What does she have to be unhappy about? She's got lots of friends (I think); she's got a great apartment (I'm pretty sure anyway) and she works in a place where if she doesn't do any work, she still keeps her job and her paycheck. Plus, she has a boyfriend.  
  
Doesn't she?  
  
The more I think about it, the more I am unsure about my knowledge of her. It bothers me, too, because she always listens to my problems and I never even offer to listen to hers.  
  
I decide to call her into my office.  
  
------Penny-------  
  
"Penny!" he calls from his office door.  
  
"What?" I yell back.  
  
"Can I see you in my office for a minute?"  
  
I sigh. "Fine."  
  
I get up from my desk and trudge towards his office. I know what this means. He's in another Dylan confusion.  
  
"What?" I say as I plop down on the couch.  
  
"I just wanted to talk to you about something."  
  
"Okay, what is it?"  
  
He sighs. "Look, Penny, I know there is something bothering you. And it bothers me that you feel like you can't tell me what it is."  
  
"There is nothing bothering me Jake," I lie.  
  
"Yes there is. I can tell there is. And, Penny, you always listen to my problems. I want you to be able to depend on me to listen to yours. So please, just tell me what it is."  
  
"It's nothing!"  
  
"Don't lie, Penny!" he says, his voice getting all high like it does when he's frustrated.  
  
How can he always tell when something is wrong? It's like he knows me better than I know myself.  
  
"Please, Penny, just tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help." His voice is back at normal pitch.  
  
I sigh. "You can't help, Jake."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because, you just, can't."  
  
"Does it have something to do with your boyfriend?"  
  
"Boyfriend?" I ask, surprised. I have a boyfriend?  
  
"You don't have a boyfriend?"  
  
"No, have you seen him come by to visit me?" I say, with that usual sarcastic tone.  
  
"I'm sorry Penny, I just sort of assumed you did," he says, awkwardly.  
  
"And why would you assume something like that?" I ask, curiously.  
  
"I don't know, because, well, just look at you."  
  
I look down and then back up at him. "What about me?"  
  
"Just, nothing. Hey, do you want me to set you up with someone?"  
  
"God, no." Where is all of this coming from? Why does he want to set me up with someone?  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Just, because, okay? Who would wanna go out with me anyway?" As soon as I say it, I realize I shouldn't have. I've always acted really confident about myself and the way I look. Jake would definitely know something was up now.  
  
"Penny, you're crazy! You're smart, you're funny, and you're attractive. I know some great guys that would kill to date you. Why won't you just give it a try?"  
  
'Oh, they'd kill to date me, but you won't even give me a second look.' I just really don't like the fact that he wants to set me up with one of his friends. And it hurts that he thinks I'm so great, but he'll never be the one to kill to date me.  
  
"I won't give it a try, because I can't," I finally answer.  
  
"But why can't you?" he asks, confused.  
  
"Because I have my eye set on someone else." Why did I just say that?!  
  
"You do?" he asks surprised.  
  
"Yeah, well, actually, I have my heart set on someone else."  
  
He's shocked. "Wow, is that what's bothering you?"  
  
"Um, yeah, sort of."  
  
"Does he know that you're in love with him?"  
  
"No, I, well, I can't tell him," I say sadly.  
  
"Why can't you?"  
  
"Because he has his heart set on someone else."  
  
He frowns at me with pity. I feel like such a loser. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? Why did I have to tell him that I was in love?  
  
"Anyways." I break the silence. There is this weird awkward feeling in the air and I hate it.  
  
"Penny, do you want my advice?" he asks.  
  
"Not really," I say. I'm not quite sure I want advice from him on how to get him to love me back. Only he doesn't know he's the one I love. I haven't gone that far. yet.  
  
"Well, I think you should tell this guy how you feel."  
  
"Um, no," I say shaking my head.  
  
"But if you never tell him, he'll never know. And you'll be kicking yourself if you don't, because what if he gets that other girl? Then you will have missed your chance forever."  
  
I know he's right, but I still can't tell him.  
  
"No, I can't tell him."  
  
"Penny, he'll pick you! And if he doesn't he's a loser!" he exclaims.  
  
"How do you know that? What about the other girl? What about his feelings for her?" I shout. Well, half-shout.  
  
"Penny, are you friends with this guy?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So he knows the real you?"  
  
"Um, I guess so." I don't even know the real me. How could he know the real me?  
  
"Penny, you are great. And this guy already knows it, if you're friends with him. When you love someone, you just say it. You say how you feel. You don't hide it, because then it's like you're ashamed of it."  
  
Am I ashamed of it? Maybe I am. Jake is very different from all of the other guys I've dated. He's foolish and dorky, but he's also sweet and funny. I shouldn't be ashamed of it. I should definitely tell him.  
  
But wait, if that's his rule of thumb, why hasn't he told Dylan?  
  
"If that's what you really think, then why haven't you told Dylan?"  
  
"Told Dylan what?"  
  
"That you love her."  
  
"Um, well because, uh." he trails off. Then he switches the subject. "Look, if you tell him, it will bring out even more of your good qualities for him to see. And like I said, if he doesn't pick you, then he doesn't deserve you anyway. I just think you should tell him. You will feel so much better and be way happier when you do, I know it."  
  
I think about it. It would be nice to get it out in the open. But would it be worth it?  
  
"Penny, just tell him!"  
  
He keeps blabbering on with his advice about what I should do, and I stare blankly at him, my thoughts on a whole other planet. In a whole other universe.  
  
As I ponder what I should do, I catch the end of his big spiel.  
  
".love is precious and if you believe that it's real then you should tell him. He deserves to know about your feelings for him, so he can make an informed decision. And I know that when you tell him, a huge weight will be lifted off of your shoulders and you won't be wearing that unhappy face anymore. 'Cause you'll be in love."  
  
I look at him and say, quite simply, "I love you."  
  
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A/N: Next chapter. soon. 


	3. Chapter 3

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--------Jake-------  
  
I stand there, not knowing what to do, or say, or even think. My body is completely frozen, my mind is blank, and all I can do is just stare at her with wide eyes.  
  
She stares back at me, with an unusual expression on her face. It's not so much that it's unusual, it's just unusual for her. Then she lets out a bit of a sigh, rolls her eyes and looks towards the ground.  
  
She brings her eyes up to meet mine again, and nodding slightly, she says sarcastically, "You're right, Jake. I feel 100% better."  
  
She quickly walks towards the door, opens it, and walks out, closing it loudly. Not slamming, just loudly.  
  
I stare off into space for a bit longer until I find my way to the couch and fall onto it. Then I just stare at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts.  
  
How did this happen? When did this happen? And most importantly, why did this have to happen to me?  
  
I love someone else, and Penny is my employee. She's my friend. My best friend. And now she's in love with me?  
  
This is awful. I'll have to break Penny's heart, and ruin our friendship. Why was I the one who always has to make huge decisions? Why did I have to choose one person over another?  
  
Why did this have to happen to me?  
  
Then I think for a second, and realize, I am the biggest jerk on the planet.  
  
'Why did this have to happen to me?' What about Penny?  
  
She put her heart, her pride - herself on the line, for me. For the person she loves. And all I can do is stand there and blink? In fact, I don't even think I was blinking!  
  
Penny is the one who will suffer. Penny is the one who has been suffering all along! She's had feelings bottled up inside with no one to turn to for help. She had no ear to listen to her, no shoulder to cry on. At least I could talk about my love for Dylan. I had Penny there to listen to me.  
  
Oh God. She'd been listening to me pine after Dylan all along.  
  
That would have to be the greatest pain of all.  
  
------Penny-------  
  
I sit down at my desk and pull out some work to do, only I don't work. I can't.  
  
Why did I have to tell him?  
  
I knew all along that he didn't feel the same way. I knew that he didn't love me, or have any feelings for me whatsoever. I'm Penny, his assistant, his friend who he talked to at work, and occasionally outside the office. I don't even know if "friend" is the word to use, but I knew how he felt the whole time, that Dylan was the one he wanted, and still wants.  
  
Yet, I still told him anyway.  
  
Sometimes I really hate myself.  
  
--------Jake-------  
  
I decide to call Penny into my office. I need to talk to her; I need to know how bad this thing really is. Most of all, I need to know if she's okay.  
  
I know she won't want to talk to me, so I call her in when Dylan and Frank are getting coffee. She can't refuse while there are people watching.  
  
She enters my office and sits on the couch. I stand in front of her, looking at her.  
  
"What?" she asks, staring back at me.  
  
"I just think we should talk about this."  
  
"Okay, so let's talk about it."  
  
"Okay." Suddenly I'm lost for words.  
  
"Alright," she says, waiting for me to start.  
  
"First of all, I'd like to apologize for not saying anything when you told me, it's just that I was so surprised. I mean, how long have you felt this way?"  
  
"I don't know, a while," she says, looking at the floor.  
  
I frown, catching the sad tone in her voice and the depressing look upon her face.  
  
"Penny, I'm, I'm sorry. You should know that I do care about you. You're my best friend. I, I don't know what to say. I feel really bad."  
  
"I don't want you to feel sorry for me, Jake," she says, standing up to face me. "I don't need pity."  
  
"I know, I know how you feel," I say, nodding.  
  
"No you don't," she tells me, shaking her head. "Look, Jake, everything that is wrong in my life is my fault. It's the truth, and I accept it."  
  
"How is everything your fault?"  
  
"Because, it's my fault that I'm stuck in this dead-end job. It's my fault that people don't like me for being rude. It's my fault that I'm in love with you. They are decisions, Jake. Decisions that I've made and I can't go back on. Decisions that will never be changed, because it's too late, and I need to just take the responsibility. So I've taken it. I come to work here every day; I continue to joke and tease people, pissing them off, and I don't care; and now I've just told you that I love you, and I'm ready to take the consequences, no matter how much it hurts. It's my fault, so I deal with it."  
  
"Penny, maybe this job and your attitude are your own fault, but loving me is not. You can't choose who you fall in love with. And if you could, my choice would be different. I would've picked y-" I stop, knowing that if I go on, I could really break her heart.  
  
"You would've picked who?" she asks, sort of curiously, sort of angrily.  
  
"Um, nobody." How am I going to get out of this?  
  
"Me? You would've picked me?" she asks. I sigh. "My God, Jake, what are you trying to do? I don't expect anything from you! I don't want anything from you! So if you think you're going to make me feel better by telling me that you wished you loved me, then just stop. Because you're not, and you don't. So just take it back right now, while you still have the chance."  
  
I look at her, taking in every feature on her beautiful face. Her cute little nose; the unique birthmark on her tanned cheek; her long, dark eyelashes; perfectly shaped eyebrows; deep, expressive eyes; and her lips, that look so soft. I want to touch them, to feel them, to know them.  
  
Closing my eyes, I lean in and kiss her. I was right. Her lips are extremely soft, and smooth. I love how they feel against mine.  
  
I gently use my tongue to open her mouth. There is no resistance from her.  
  
As the kiss deepens, I place my right hand on her back and pull her closer to me. Her arms, which have been dangling by her side, move up and rest on my shoulders, wrapping around my neck.  
  
Our bodies press tightly together, tongues tumbling over one another. She tastes so sweet, so wonderful.  
  
It is incredible.  
  
The kiss ends and immediately goes into a hug. Bodies still pressed together, arms still holding each other, I plant a single gentle kiss on her neck as I feel her breath on mine.  
  
She pulls away, arms still around my neck, my hands now resting on her hips. We stare at each other.  
  
She's not smiling, but she's not frowning either. She looks a little bit confused, like she's wondering something.  
  
She closes her eyes and leans in, pressing her lips to mine softly. She pulls away again to look at me.  
  
"I was just checking something," she explains.  
  
I give her a small smile. There is a strange heated tension between us as we continue gazing into each other's eyes, still holding one another. We don't speak, just stare. There is an unspoken chemistry that I can't explain.  
  
I want to kiss her again. But as I plan my move, the door opens. Our heads both turn to see whom it is, breaking the stare.  
  
It's Dylan.  
  
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A/N: Update soon. 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I am really really really sorry that it has taken me so long to update this. I don't know if there's anyone who actually still cares if they read it, but I'm apologizing just in case. Since my last update, I decided to check out other fandoms. I took a break from writing and instead, I read (oh and I also had some exams and crazy school related things that added to the delay). But I realize that it's been long enough and I should really get back to writing, even if just to finish this sorry little fic. So, here's an update to anyone who was anticipating it!  
  
PS: Doesn't it make you mad when your reviews don't show up? Some of my reviews that I got like months ago don't appear when you click to view them. Oh well!  
  
Oh, and I don't know how to get formatting to work. I have yet to achieve italics, bolds, the dot dot dots on my trail-off sentences, oh, and large gaps, when I wish to have a time lapse or something. So yeah, it's bugging me that I can't do that. So if anyone knows how, email me at kathleen@michellebranch.ca and save my sanity!  
  
I'm done now.  
  
-------Jake--------- (where we left off)  
  
Penny quickly unwraps her arms from my neck and brings them down to her side. She tries to step away, attempting to hide the situation, but my hands remain on her hips, holding her there. She gives me a look of confusion, but I shoot a look of reassurance back at her and turn my head to look at Dylan. Penny follows.  
  
"Um, am I interrupting something?"  
  
Penny looks a little scared. "Uh, no, I was just-"  
  
"Yes, actually, you are".  
  
Penny looks at me surprised.  
  
Dylan looks very uncomfortable. "I'll just, uh, come back later then".  
  
I nod to her and she leaves.  
  
I look back at Penny and lean in to kiss her, but she stops me.  
  
"Jake, what are you doing?"  
  
"I was going to kiss you again".  
  
"Why did you tell Dylan she was interrupting something?"  
  
"Because she was!"  
  
"What was she interrupting?!"  
  
"Us!!"  
  
She looks at me with her beautiful eyes, which are now glistening with tears. She untangles from my arms, turns around and moves away.  
  
"I can't do this, Jake," she whispers.  
  
"What?" I ask, surprised.  
  
"I can't be with you."  
  
"But, why?" I ask, moving towards her.  
  
She turns around to face me. "Because, it just isn't right."  
  
I'm so confused. And angry. This doesn't make any sense at all.  
  
"Since when is it not right?" I question angrily,  
  
"I've just realized it," she answers calmly. "We can't do this. I can't do this."  
  
"But why not?!"  
  
"Because of Dylan."  
  
I can't believe this.  
  
"Okay, you know what? Fine!" I shout. "Fine! If you feel comfortable telling me you love me, kissing me, and then turning away, then fine! If you don't care that you've totally just messed with my head and screwed up my heart, then neither do I!"  
  
"Jake, please." She's crying now. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought that this was right, but it's really not."  
  
"Oh, suddenly you're convinced it's wrong. That makes no sense! What the fuck does Dylan even have to do with this?!"  
  
"Everything! Can't you see?"  
  
"NO!!"  
  
My eyes are burning with contempt. My body is exploding with anger. And I'm not even sure why. Of course, I'm upset, but I don't know why I'm yelling at Penny. I'm taking months of emotional hang-ups and laying them all on her. It isn't fair, but I can't help it. I'm so tired of striking out.  
  
"Jake, please try to understand," she pleads, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. It is just now that I realize I've never seen her cry before.  
  
But I don't care.  
  
"You know what the problem with you is? You're too wrapped up in your own world! You pity yourself because you have problems. Yeah, well I've got problems too! And they'd be a lot less complicated if people like you didn't take it upon themselves to make them worse! Sure, you say you only blame yourself, but it's all a lie! I know who you blame! You blame everybody around you! You only care about yourself! How can you say you love me and then just take it away?! And how can you say it's because of Dylan?! SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!! This is ALL you! YOU! Not me, not her, nobody but you!! So fine. You think it's wrong? Whatever. But I know the real reason you're running away. It's because you're scared. You're scared that I told Dylan to leave so that I could kiss you. You're scared that I said she was interrupting 'us'. You are scared shitless! Because now you know, that you might actually get what you say you've wanted. All along you've figured, 'Oh, Jake will never want me. He loves Dylan, and I'm just lousy old Penny. Nobody wants Penny'. Well, now I do want lousy old Penny. And now that you know that, you've changed your mind! You say you know what you want, but it's all a lie! The truth is, you're too scared that you might get what you want. You're scared that you might have to actually deal with happiness, that you'll no longer have a reason to complain. You're scared that someone might actually want you. That's the problem with you!"  
  
As I finish, I breathe heavily and look at Penny straight in the eyes. She is no longer crying, although she looks shocked. Her eyes are flaring with anger, and there's also a tinge of hurt lying there. She finally speaks.  
  
"You obviously don't know me very well."  
  
With that, she left my office, leaving me there, guilty with all I've just said.  
  
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So, yeah. There's that chapter. I promise, I'll update sooner. Well, that is if I actually hear that people are interested in this story at all! 


	5. Chapter 5

This chapter is for Beckinsale, because, she persistently reminded me that my story was lacking of an update, and I finally updated. So if you like this story and you wanted me to update (don't think there's too many of you, but.....) you can thank her! *applause for Becky* (also applaud Becky for teaching me how to get the dot dot dots..... yay!)  
  
Yep, I'm messed up. So here's your chapter.  
  
PS: I have a new email ... kathleen@melaniedoane.com - so if you wanna send feedback, send it there.  
  
--------Penny------  
  
It's been a few days and Jake has tried to talk to me about a million times. I'd like to sit down with him, hash it all out. I'd feel better telling him my reasons for everything, why my mind had changed so suddenly.  
  
It's not even the fact that it had changed; it's just that I was reminded of something, something that for one reason or another had slipped my mind.  
  
I'd love to tell him that reason. But I've realized that maybe, being "Penny" and keeping everything bottled up is a good thing sometimes. Maybe it's okay to pity myself and be wrapped up in my own world (as Jake had put it), maybe it would be better to be the person that he sees me as, rather than the person that I've always wished I could be.  
  
If I'd only stopped myself from telling him I love him, I wouldn't have kissed him. I wouldn't have hurt. I wouldn't have to avoid him every time he walks in the room.  
  
Well, there's nothing I can do about it now. Once again, it's my fault. I'll deal with it.  
  
Just like everything else. But now I know he'll always be thinking that I'm blaming him.  
  
--------Jake--------  
  
She won't talk to me.  
  
I'm going crazy!  
  
I can't get all of the horrible things that I said to her out of my mind. The words just keep replaying in my head, and no matter what I do, I can't tune them out.  
  
How could I have been so insensitive?  
  
Y'know, I said that Penny only thinks of herself. But I only think of myself. I mean, when she told me she loved me, who did I worry about? Me! And then I flip out yelling at her, pinning her as this horrible person, just because I was rejected. I blamed her for everything.  
  
I'm starting to think that when I described Penny, I actually described myself. Could this be true?  
  
All I want to do is talk to her. I want to apologize. I want to know where things stand.  
  
If only she could give me that chance. If only she'd hear me out. If only I could make things right. If only...  
  
If only I knew what I was going to say, 'cause she just walked through my door.  
  
--------Penny------  
  
Damn..... there are too many messages now to just give them to him later. And this one looks important. Maybe I should just go into his office.  
  
I walk to his office and stand outside his door. Breathe. He's going to ask me questions. I just need to ignore them. Give him his messages and leave. In and out, really quick.  
  
I open the door and his focus turns to me. He looks scared, like he's a lost child. I soften a little bit, but I try not to let my face show it. Remember, I don't care about anyone else. I only care about myself.  
  
"Here are your messages," I say, walking over to his desk and handing them to him.  
  
"Uh..... thanks," he says, still staring at me.  
  
"No problem," I reply awkwardly. "Okay, so, I'll just be going-"  
  
"No, wait!" he shouts, louder than he meant to, 'cause his face is once again in a state of shock and fear.  
  
"What?" I ask, although I know what's coming.  
  
"Look, Penny, we need to talk. I think that-"  
  
"Not now," I interrupt him.  
  
"But why? This needs to happen, and it should be sooner, rather than later."  
  
"Not now because we're in the office, and we both know that someone can very easily interrupt us. Okay?"  
  
"Yeah, okay, right. How about I take you out for lunch, we can talk then," he says.  
  
I look at him in disbelief. "Jake, lunch was an hour ago." He must really be out of it.  
  
"What? It was? Maybe that's why I'm so hungry." He looks embarrassed.  
  
"Maybe," I say, trying not to smile.  
  
"Okay..... what about dinner then? After work, you and me go out."  
  
"Um. Sure."  
  
"And we'll talk."  
  
"Whatever. See you later."  
  
I leave his office and sit at my desk. Great. I have to talk to him tonight. I have to tell him things, everything. I have to break a heart.....  
  
But at least it's only mine.  
  
--------Jake--------  
  
I've called and booked a fancy restaurant to take Penny to. I want the very best for her; I want to show her how much I care for her and how much I want us to try a relationship. I want to apologize to her over caviar, I want to pour her wine and hold her hand. I want to smile at her; I want to make her laugh. I want to look deep into her gorgeous eyes; I want to smell her hair. I want to kiss her.  
  
I just want her. And I want her to know that I want her. And I want her to want me.  
  
All along I've wanted Dylan, and now I want her opposite; I want Penny. It's strange.....  
  
But there's no time to dwell on that. I need to work so that I'm done everything in time to take her out.  
  
And I need to plan my speech so that I impress her. I need to give her an offer she can't refuse.  
  
I need this night to be perfect. And considering the fact that she'll be there, it very well could be.  
  
--------Penny------  
  
This night will be hell. I'm going to be forced to sit at a table with Jake, eat a bunch of food, smile like I'm having fun..... and then I have to tell my reasons, deal with his yelling, and then kill myself because I've just given up something so unbelievably amazing that I don't deserve to live anymore.  
  
On top of that, I have a headache.  
  
Life is good.  
  
I don't think I can do this. I can't prolong it the whole night. It needs to happen now.  
  
Jake walks out of his office and comes over to me smiling. "You ready to go?"  
  
"I don't know Jake, I mean-"  
  
"Come on! I have reservations at The Colonnade Room. Do you know how hard those are to get?"  
  
"I know but- wait a minute," I pause, "why do you have reservations at The Colonnade Room?"  
  
"Because it's a nice restaurant, and I wanted to take you somewhere nice," he says matter-of-factly.  
  
"Why would you want to take me somewhere nice?" I ask.  
  
"Because, Penny, you deserve the best."  
  
I sigh. He's so sweet. Why do I have to do this? Why can't it happen? Why can't I just grab him and kiss him, and go to the restaurant and do stupid things like hold hands and eat caviar.  
  
But I know why. And I hate why.  
  
"Jake, come here." I gesture towards the seat at my desk.  
  
"Okay," he says uncertainly, then sits down. I stand in front of him, leaning up against my desk.  
  
"We need to talk," I say.  
  
"Yeah, I know, that's why we were going to dinner."  
  
"No, Jake, we need to talk now." He nods, and I sigh, and look into his eyes. "First of all, I think it's really nice that you booked such a fancy restaurant for me. But, I'm not a fancy person. It wouldn't matter to me where you took me, as long as I was with you." He smiles at me. My heart aches. I don't know how to say the next thing I need to say.  
  
"That's sweet, Penny. But I'd still like to bring you to a nice place. As I've said, you deserve the best," he says, smiling.  
  
"No, Jake, I don't," I say, shaking my head.  
  
"What are you talking about? Of course you do!"  
  
"Jake, you see me as, well, I don't know what you see me as, but it's not who I see me as. The way you described me the other day, I said you don't know me very well. But you do, because that's exactly who I am. I didn't know it at the time, because I didn't know who I was. But I think I do now, and I'm not who you seem to think I am."  
  
"Penny, what I said the other day was uncalled for. I made you out to be this horrible person, and that's not who you are at all. You're a wonderful person!"  
  
"No, I'm not! I'm just the way you said I was. Just like you said, the problem with me is-"  
  
"The problem with you is you try to tell yourself who you are. You try to deny what you're really like, and you try to form yourself into someone else. You try to ignore the fact that you're actually caring, and beautiful, and worthy of love. But I see it; I see all of it. And I think you're amazing."  
  
Why is it that, so many times, he can be so stupid and say the perfectly wrong thing, but at a time when you need to hate him, he's sweet and wonderful? It's not fair. But what else is new?  
  
"Jake, you don't see it, because it isn't there. You only think it is. See, the problem with you is you create personalities for people. Look what you did with Dylan! You didn't even know her and you had her pegged as this perfect goddess that no one else could compare to. And then you got to know her, and you discovered she has flaws, just like the rest of us."  
  
"I may have done that with Dylan, yes, but I haven't done that with you. I know you Penny. I doubted it before, but I know I do."  
  
I sigh. "Yes, Jake, you know me. You described me the other day as a selfish, rude, frightened, confused person."  
  
"Okay, if you're the way you say you are, what is the real reason you said we can't be together?"  
  
I hesitate. Should I tell the truth? Or should I lie?  
  
"The reason we can't be together is..... it's what you said. I'm too scared that I might get what I want. And I don't know what I want. And....." I look away, this hurts too much to say, "I don't love you."  
  
I swallow hard and look at the floor. I can't look at his face, I don't want to see his expression. There is a very long, silent pause.  
  
"You're lying," he says, finally.  
  
I stay staring at the floor and say "No, I'm not."  
  
"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me."  
  
I look up into his beautiful eyes. "I.....I-I d-...." I breathe in hard, "I love you." I can't say it!  
  
He smiles. "I knew you were lying."  
  
I sigh. He really does know me. "Okay, so maybe I am caring, and those other things. It's not like I show it!"  
  
"I know you don't show it. You hide it. You put up a wall so no one can see it."  
  
"Then how come you see it?"  
  
"I don't know....."  
  
We're both silent for a while. Lost in our thoughts. I don't know what to say anymore.  
  
"So, can we be together now? Can you do this?" he asks, sounding hopeful.  
  
I look at him. "No, we can't. I can't."  
  
He frowns, and I hate it. His face looks much better with a smile on it. "I don't understand why."  
  
"Do you want the real reason?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"The real reason is Dylan," I say flatly.  
  
"That's not a reason, Penny."  
  
"Yes, it is. Look, I know you think you want me and that you're over Dylan. You're not. The day I told you I loved you you were flirting with her. Right in front of me! That's why I looked so mad. You only think you're over her because now you know that I want you. And you want to be over her, because it could be a long time before you ever get her, and it would be so much easier to be with me. But I don't want to be the easy option, Jake. I want to be a single option in a sea of a million ones, and I want to be the special one you choose. I want there to be no doubt in your mind that I'm the right girl. I want there to be no other girls on your brain whatsoever. I want to be the only one. And until you get over Dylan, I'm none of that. I'm just the rebound girl."  
  
He looks at me, and I think he now understands what I mean.  
  
"So, how do I get over her? How do I get her out of my system?"  
  
"You either get with her and realize she's not right, or you find closure. You get a rebound girl, you do something so that you don't think about her anymore, and so that you don't care about where she is and what she's doing, or who she's with."  
  
"And, what about you?"  
  
I smile slightly. "You don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I always am."  
  
He smiles at me. "Come here," he says, and pulls me into a hug. "You are the strongest, most amazing person I've ever met. And someday, someone is going to sweep you off your feet and be everything you've ever dreamed of."  
  
"Someone?" I ask, still wrapped in his arms.  
  
"Yeah..... someone, that is hopefully me," he says, pulling back slightly.  
  
He kisses me in a quick, friendly way on the lips, then hugs me again and kisses my forehead.  
  
All I can think of is, I also hope that that someone is him.  
  
-------------------  
  
The end. Did I piss you off yet?  
  
I might write a sequel later on. Let me know if you want a sequel, or if you don't, or if you think I suck and I should never write again ever. 


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